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Rubys Writing
Exerts from Ruby's diary.
Tough Days
August 2016
Besides the frustration of not having answers for 10 months, the hardest part has been slowly loosing myself. Every glance in the mirror I can barely recognise myself. Day by day I slowly deteriorate not just physically, but mentally too. I am mentally drained as I watch the arm of my watch slowly tick over the hours of my days. It becomes more and more of a struggle to keep reassuring myself that one day I'll be a normal healthy person.
When I used to look in the mirror over 10 months ago I wasn't ecstatic with the way I looked.....but who ever is? That didnt mean I wanted to change it to the way I am today.
The saddest part is that on the daily I will get at least one compliment on how good I am looking, whether its a close friend, an aquaintance or a stranger. For to hear how amazing I'm looking with my weight loss breaks a tiny piece of my heart and soul, each and every time.
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AND YET EVEN IN RUBY'S FINAL MONTHS IN 2018
SHE WAS STILL BEING TOLD BY DIETICANS THAT THEY " THOUGHT" SHE HAD AN EATING DISORDER.
THAT SHE MAY NOT WANT TO HEAR IT BUT THEY THINK SHE HAS AN ADVERSION TO FOOD.
THEY WERE RIGHT ABOUT THAT...IF THEY HAD LOOKED UP GASTROPARESIS THEY MAY HAVE LEARNT VOMITING IS ONE OF THE MAJOR SYMPTOMS..
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On the outside, looking in.
This is my story about a struggle that not many people will have experienced first hand. There may be other people out there who are fighting a similar battle and share the pain with me. Before I go on I would like to note that this is not an act for attention, or a cry for sympathy. With sharing my experience I hope that in some way or form I can help someone else out there who may be fighting a health issue. Whether you've already got support or your're soldiering on by yourself, there's others out there that can help.
To most of my closest friends and family,
co-workers and passerbys, I look like your typical healthy, cheerful, go-getting 20yr old woman with her dreams and aspirations finally coming together. In fact some may actually say I'm doing and looking the best I have in a while, due to my 'amazing' 15kg weight loss. But now here's the thing, thats not the case at all and quite far from it.
See, my outside is my canvas and I paint
on that canvas what people want to see.
So when people look at me they keep the perception that I am still the same healthy person I was 10 months ago. because 10 months ago I was a typical healthy 20year old about to kick start my dreams career, training at Ardmore flight School persuing my passion for flying...
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